Having had chronic illness for over 25 years, it’s become a way of life for me. An adaptation of sorts has taken place to enable me to live as well as I can, with a disconnect between my hopes and living reality.
Do I believe I can be healed? Yes, of course. Many have prayed for that to happen over the years. Maybe God feels I am best positioned to witness to His grace just as I am? Though I don’t discount degrees of [or complete] healing taking place.
I was brought up short recently in the area of having faith enough to fully overcome my painful past. Some days the pain of it hits me afresh and I wonder if I will finally achieve a renewed view of things.
Because scars remain in our wounding places, and they are easily picked at when the enemy unsettles our thoughts. I long to move on from these reminders but on my worst days it can feel insurmountable, with a great disconnect between heart and head.
I note the irony of being a Faith writer, a woman who actively seeks to help and encourage others in their walk with God, yet who still has times of doubt about receiving all that God desires to give to her.
It takes a lot of courage to drop our defences at God’s feet and willingly open our arms to the warm embrace of Love and Freedom which He longs to give to His broken sons and daughters.
Maybe, like me, you release your doubts slowly with some things and with great ease with others that do not have such a stranglehold on your heart, mind and emotions. I hope the poem below will help you to feel less alone, especially if this is a difficulty for you too.
I believe, I really do, but where I stumble is in receiving
because there’s a disconnect between heart and head
even though you can preach it, sister, and so can I, we
can feel it, see it, say it, read it, yet still become deaf
and dumb, sit on the fence instead of leaping in when
faith demands a bigger risk than we’ve taken yet.
Words spill out upon the page and I assume they will
become assimilated by osmosis somehow, touch me
like I hope and pray they will reach and mean something
to someone else, because that’s why I write: to help
and encourage others in their own daily fight, their battle
to overcome the painful things life has done to them.
But it isn’t enough to have faith for those whose lives we touch
if we cannot have an unshakeable belief it can happen for us,
and be able to trace signs of change appearing within
making a difference we can sense, a tangible answer
to our hope and prayers, a light in the darkness, while we
continue to faithfully fan the flames of faith for others.
What it takes to change is having our minds transformed by grace. What helps us to move on is seeing how strong we already are in Christ. And asking for God’s help to receive the healing He desires to give us, as we trust more in His Word than we do in our wobbly emotions.
Help our unbelief. Strengthen our faith in you and your power to change what seems hopeless or lost to us. By your grace, grant us a renewed mindset and a changed heart. Amen