Small defined my entry into the world as one of two tiny, premature, non-identical twin baby girls. Looking more like a skinned rabbit than a human being; not a pretty sight for parental eyes.
Yet God has taken what was an unwanted human accident of birth and revealed He had planned a life for me all along.
I began small and have stayed that way. I was a girl scared of her own shadow, who lived within the pages of books and deep inside her own imagination. Maybe you can relate?
An introvert with occasional extrovert tendencies – like singing to her next-door neighbours (yes, really) and leading school assemblies.
In a life lived in a minority way, dwelling in compact homes, with ambition reduced by adverse circumstances, it seems I wasn’t destined for greatness.
Although I remained a shrinking violet, on the inside I ached to fit in and belong, rather than being an edge dwelling girl-cum-woman on the margins.
Many years were spent anguishing over being small in every way as life compressed hope and society put me into boxes with labels like ‘disabled’ and ‘insignificant’.
I broke out of them now and then, raised a pipsqueak protest. Then around 3 years ago I began blogging, sharing my writing heart to heart – in a small way of course.
Allowing creativity that had lain dormant to finally be expressed as a writer and poet. I also woke up to the fact that God wants you and me to give voice to His life, light and redeeming power in us as we live out our ordinary lives.
Gradually, I grew more confident and confiding, opened up about my painful past -formerly a veiled, secret thing – in the hope of encouraging others to know they are not alone with their struggles.
A doorway opened. A window of freedom. A gap of grace appeared. A way to live small and be large in God’s sight.
I take comfort in the relative obscurity and anonymity of my quiet corner of the blogosphere. And I take heart in knowing someone may benefit from reading the words I share. Because in the outpouring of our words we can help and encourage other hurting, wounded souls.
God has required me to be small in other ways as He asks for a daily surrender to Him, a laying down of hopes, dreams and plans so He can shape and enlarge them into more than I ever imagined.
If I, a chronically sick woman can see fruit and a ministry developing from learning to yield to God, then my friend, just think what He can do through you.
Small may seem ordinary and insignificant but it’s the way of the cross as we follow Jesus. It’s a releasing of all we are and can be into God’s hands. It’s an act of faith mirrored on Christ’s self-emptying.
It’s freeing ourselves from rivalry, comparison, envy and jealousy as we learn to live with holy contentment and rest in our smallness in the eyes of the world. Small is allowing God to be great in us, to be beauty in our brokenness, strength in our weakness, hope in our despair.
It’s seeing how we are already enough, already amazing, unique, precious and oh so special to God. And that’s the most freeing truth of all.
**NOTE** ~ Friends, I’m going to be taking a brief blogging break as we prepare to welcome family for Easter. I’m also feeling very depleted after completing the writing and publishing of my book – which you can access here. Feel free to dive into the archives while I am resting my writer voice a while. Normal service will be resumed in a week or so, God willing! 🙂
Meanwhile, you can check out my more traditionally Easter focused posts below. Just click on the links to read them:
- A reflection (including poetry and prayer) on Christ’s death and its implications over at the Godspace blog.
- A Holy Week post on the cross, pilgrimage and discipleship at poetryjoy.com.