Life has been less than usual for me recently as I’ve sought an oasis of calm in what felt like an increasingly chaotic world. Being housebound due to M.E, I’ve had to look outside my surroundings to seek solace for a burnt-out brain and weary body relapsing and frazzled by too much on-line connectivity.

So I went on a retreat. No social media. No wi-fi. Nothing but stillness, calm, and lots of time to unwind. It wasn’t all plain sailing. When life renders us physically still by default with chronic illness, we may assume we know how to sit before God in quiet reverence. However, I discovered (yet again) how easy it is for a mind to be active and restless even as a body feels relatively inactive.

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him” ~ Psalm 62:5

Outward stillness wasn’t producing inner calm. One afternoon when I was away, I heard footsteps tripping lightly up the stairs outside my room and felt a sudden, sharp pang of envy that I couldn’t move as freely as they could.

Then I sensed God saying,“I need some to move swiftly hither and thither, and I need others to be still. You are one I choose to be still.”

Even if my stillness was a default setting due to physical frailty, I still felt a little bit better after hearing those words, though my own choice would be to be one of the swift and strong, actively capable people.

Retreat prayer challenges

Here I was in a Convent environment and I found myself barely able to pray. Every time I tried my mind was as weary as my flesh and words wouldn’t come. So I rested, took several deep breaths, waited on God, and these words eventually came to my spirit:

“Depth matters more than length. Many words can be shallow, self-pitying or for show. A deep prayer is one that arises from a heart recognising its desperate need of and dependence on Me, and recognises Me as the Only Source of help to meet that need:a cry from one heart to another, a wounded soul calling out to Father God”

In the light of this, a simple cry of, “Help me, Jesus” or, “Lord, have mercy” is a deep, earnest prayer. In fact, we don’t necessarily have to say anything at all. God hears the unspoken cries of our hearts.

“Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord” ~ Psalm 139:4

Learning to be still

God is teaching me is to be still before Him in posture and silent in speech. It has meant learning to intercede by visualising the person concerned and simply lifting them up to God in my thoughts. Then I hold them there and trust Him to meet their every need, which is restful for a mind that finds focus hard and words failing!

This was an exercise in being focused primarily on God’s Presence instead of what to say and how to express it. Being quiet before the Lord has the added bonus of giving us greater ability to hear His voice.

I eventually found it really helpful as I began to rest and relax in this way. Insights came. Peace and strength filled my inner being. By the end of my stay time alone with God became something I eagerly sought, craved even.The poem below tries to capture some of the essence of my Retreat experience.

“Be still and know that I am God” ~ Psalm 46:10

A retreat poem



retreat - bench - trees - seeking calm in a chaotic world (C) joylenton

In this world
of rush and hurry
it is good sometimes
to pause from the flurry;
savour the flavour of
renewed zeal and zest
of the spiritual kind
that brings peace and rest
to soul and mind.
Let go the cares
Let go the noise
escape the world’s snares
entertainment and toys.
Find a quiet place
where healing resides
to soothe fretful hearts
and God’s Spirit abides.
Let in the Light
Let in His Voice
that speaks soft
and calms us
so that we rejoice
to heed yet again
what we once felt was lost
a treasure indeed –
The Pearl of great cost.
Let Love enfold you
Let Grace restore
all that is broken
will be redeemed evermore,
enriched by His Presence
engulfed by His care
enlivened inside
as we lean, learn and share.
Returning once more
to our home lives again
externally the same
internally changed
we have eyes to discern
sacred in the secular
made profound in His Name.

Seeking balance

Since returning home, it has been quite tricky to maintain lessons learnt in the quiet and stillness of a Convent guesthouse. I’m very much a beginner on the contemplative journey and going on retreat was a new experience for me.

I’m finding it’s essential to try to balance life better by actively seeking to carve out time and space in the daily routine to make way for these moments. Though life has a way of sneaking up on us with its many distractions, desires and temptations. And good intentions need to become new habits if they’re not going to get lost.
This lesson looks like an ongoing one as I attempt to discover how often to dip in (and out) of social media, when to move forward and when to draw back, how much contact and connection is healthy and how much is just too draining and depleting for someone with M.E.It has taken me several days to write this post, though, (thankfully) most of the poem shaped itself when on retreat. My mind and body remain slow and lethargic, dulled further by the stronger analgesia I am taking for pain relief.

Lacking sufficient mental agility or acuity to join in with the usual Five Minute Friday, I am pleased to be linking here today with Missional Women Faith Filled Friday instead. You’re very welcome to join us.

I’d love to know:
What lessons have you learnt in quiet times and places?
How do you balance life’s commitments and personal goals with time with God?