Dear Readers and Friends,

You can be forgiven for thinking I’ve vacated this blog, left it hanging untouched in cyberspace because I’ve not written here for a couple of months, but that’s not the case.

Because of my daily battle with chronic illness and the difficulties of life with M.E, I’ve had to reconcile myself to posting here infrequently. It’s not what I desire but it’s the best I can manage. Thank you for your understanding and grace.

Today I am happy to be able to share what is probably the l-o-n-g-e-s-t poem I have ever written. It’s about the inner conflict we have when our mind says go and our body says slow. A familiar pattern for me and many others.

I toyed with breaking the poem into paragraphs but felt it might lose its flow, so I’ve left it alone. I hope you can identify with the thoughts, especially if you have similar difficulties or need a reminder to rest because it’s vital for our bodies and souls.

Today when I could do nothing…

I felt bereft. Few words entered my head.
I felt the weight of wanting, the ache
of the ordinary spreading out

before me. Time hung heavy, caught
as I was between a desire to do
and a desire to pause. No ticking
clock, only my own meandering

thoughts acting like a metronome
urging me on. But I couldn’t respond
because my body wouldn’t cooperate

and my brain was sluggish, slow,
fogged up and stupefied. So I began
to give myself grace, loosen the loop

of busyness. I saw how being unproductive
might feel like laziness yet was all I felt
capable of. Maybe this is a season

where I could learn not to contradict
the sense of being more suited
to somnolence. Perhaps this is

a day to just go with the flow, 
let my uptight soul become 
willingly untethered to tasks. 

So I ease myself into a groove of rest,
a period to pause, a time to still
and not count my worthiness

based on what I might achieve,
what I can or cannot do. Although
being inactive feels like a waste

sometimes even if it represents
a large part of my life. Physical illness
and weakness do not fit me well

for being active. Instead, they suggest
a slower pace is not only doable but
desirable. Letting my brain be silenced

could mean more listening to my heart
which speaks its own nurturing thoughts.
It says: 'Rest, relax, chill out, nobody 

is judging you by what you do or do 
not do. Nobody is keeping score 
to see how many times you stop 
to pause, to rest, to read or yawn.

There are no observers here now, 
watching how you shape your words.
only your own inner critic who never

ceases to chip in. Tell her to go away
because you’re not listening to her
today, you are listening to your heart.'

So I adjust, mentally, at least, tune 
into the idea of my soul’s release to this.
May I be like a wave breaking on

the shoreline, rolling over and slowing,
until all you see is the lacey rivulets 
circling your feet. A delicate spread

of pale latte nothingness. 
No pushing. No tug. Just a soft
slithering over sand and crawling

back again. All the while absorbing
sun’s warmth like a gentle benediction 
of love, aided by the wind’s soft kiss.
© joylenton

My absence here has also been caused by being extra busy writing a new book! It’s called Sacred Noticing: Seasonal Glimpses of the Infinite. UK readers can check it out on Amazon by clicking on the link above. US and European readers can click on the image to the left. Blessings and love. Xx 😉💜