We all tend to think of ourselves as sweet, reasonable people most of the time. Or hope we come across that way at least. It’s good to be kind in our manner and in the way we speak. Because our words can often be a dead giveaway.
And I know there are many times when I try my husband’s l..o..n..g suffering and saintly patience to the utmost. When it happens, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thought along the lines of the words from Proverbs below.
You see, hurting people tend to hurt other people, almost without noticing it. My way is with words. Thankfully, self-criticism more than wounding others with intent. Though I still do and hate myself for it.
In a marriage relationship, we co-exist and are co-joined as one flesh in the sight of God. If I spend time spouting forth venom about myself, what does that say to my beloved husband?
Learning to speak wisely is better for us and others
Is it possible he choose wrongly? Do I have no idea how much he loves me? Or do I see what damage I am doing to my own fragile self-esteem? Don’t I realise how much it wounds him to hear me speaking negatively about myself? The sad answer is “No” and also “I can’t help it” or “I didn’t realise”.
If I can inadvertently hurt my husband in that way, then what sadness it must bring to God’s Father heart. He cannot enjoy me lamenting about my life and flaws and failures. Sometimes it must sound like griping and complaining at the way He made me. I am far from perfect. I’m very much a flawed and cracked pot in the Potter’s hands.
But I am also supposed to be aware of the loving way I have been crafted and designed for His service. Thankfully, those destructive negativity moments are becoming a rarity these days. Because I have worked through and been emotionally healed of a lot of past problems. God has also given me a revelation on who I am in Christ.
It’s time to start to speak and see ourselves as we are in Christ
Each one of us is dearly loved and unique. We are equipped with individual skills and talents to live fully and freely, and bless others with. Hopefully, we can all learn how to do that when we truly believe it for ourselves.
There is a time to speak and a time to refrain from speaking. God will give us the wisdom to know how and when. Taming the tongue is hard work and will most likely take me into eternity as I seek to do it better. But it is so worthwhile. And if it means I can be calmer and more relaxed, and my husband isn’t seeking a desert escape route, then so much the better!
Are you listening to what you say about yourself? Does it tie up with what God is saying about you in Scripture?
Ah,Joy, do you see how God's wisdom pours through you to minister to others? My husband will be grateful to you for this post. 🙂 Thanks for these words, my dear new friend.
Hi Sue. I am truly thankful if the sharing of my life/experiences helps others. Thank you for your sweet comment! Blessings 🙂 x
I am very familiar with 'spouting forth poisonous venom at myself/about myself* It hurts me and those who love me, its often not easy to control and something that fills me with shame! Your words are wise and comforting Joy. I have a long way to go on my recovery and faith journeys and value the way you get me thinking about both.Thank you x
Me too, my friend. It pays to step back sometimes and see how much we hurt others and, primarily, ourselves through our negative words. Please don't stay filled with shame though. God's grace and mercy covers all our sin. We are all works in progess and can learn from one another as we journey together. Bless you for your kind comment 🙂 xx
Great post. Very thought-provoking. Thanks for sharing your heart.
Thank you, Lisa! I'm still learning how to balance my life and words to bless rather than destroy a life – mine or otherwise. Bless you 🙂 x
Oh how well I know about taming that tongue. Most of the time it is right where it should be, but when mine slips, oh boy, do I know exactly what you are saying. And all you can do is apologize, because once words are said…I am glad I have a long-suffering husband too. To err is to be human. I am very human. Love, Debby xxoo
Such a common problem, isn't it, Debby? And it's wonderful when our husband's show us such grace we don't deserve. You are in good company (me included) for being "very human", my friend! Love and blessings 🙂 xx